A widow's miracle

One of the days on my trip to Thailand, we had a specific prayer time for a Nepali widow. This woman is raising goats to feed her family and generate revenue. She lives in a village where traffickers prey on the women, often scamming them into the sex industry. WAR, Int. is desiring to help this widow with a goat farm so that other women can raise goats and support their families too.

This precious woman was crying out to the Lord as her goats, {her livelihood} were dying. She was being mocked by the other villagers because their goats were not dying, and they snickered that her God could not save them. She is also the first believer in this village. She holds a church service in her home for a couple of people every week.

Oh how my heart went out to this woman I had never met. As a team we gathered and beseeched our Father on behalf of this dear one. I know praying for goats certainly doesn't sound very spiritual, but any of my teammates would tell you that God's spirit was present, and we knew He was going to intervene!

Days passed, and we heard from Nepal that the woman went to the market to buy another goat. Unbeknownst to all involved, she got more for her money. Much more. You see, her goat was pregnant. When it birthed, it birthed the exact number of goats that had died!! I am pretty sure it was more than four which I am told is quite amazing! Don't you love it? Can you imagine the impact this is having on the village?

If you want to hear more about the goat project in Nepal and Sudan too, click here. {You can even donate money to purchase a goat for one of the women!}

Big Enough

I'm excited to share how God's been tillin' in my heart as of late...

He has revealed to me that in a particular area in my life, my concept of Him is not big enough. Over the years, I've learned He's big enough to trust with a sister and Dad with cancer, miscarriage and infertility, change of careers, unemployment, financial needs, a move across country, a move overseas, safety of my children, deaths of dear ones, a chronic illness, and countless other ways.

But I've been hung up on my own inadequacies. Deep down inside, my concept of Him has not been big enough to trust Him to work in spite of them. Somehow, I have this narrow view of the criteria one needs to meet in order to be used.

Over and over God has been whispering to me; "Tammi, you need to stop focusing on who you aren't and focus on who I Am." whoa. convicting.

I have recently become a {volunteer} consultant with Women At Risk, Int. A W.A.R. consultant attends the jewelry parties/events and shares the heart of this organization and speaks on behalf of the thousands of women and children needing a voice. This is the organization that I went on my trip to Thailand with. The purpose of this role is to raise awareness and move hearts to action in joining the battle against human trafficking. If you've read this post you know that I haven't felt adequate for this role.

Last Friday I spoke at another jewelry party. On this night, God gave me the challenge opportunity to flesh out what He'd been teaching me:

*We left later than planned for a party that was several hours away.

*There was an accident that kept us inching a long for 45 minutes. We arrived right at 7, when the party was to start. We still had to set up the jewelry {which takes quite a while}.

*People were late {which I did pray for, so this really is a praise :)}, and others had to cancel last minute.

*I realized I left my notes sitting in the computer printer at home, a short 3 hours away.

*The video presentation of my trip that a friend of mine had done for me was gone. We lost it completely.

*The power point presentation we did in place of that wouldn't work right. The song we wanted to play with it wouldn't play. {With the ingenuity of my bro-in-law, we eventually worked this out}

* I stumbled with some words and remember thinking, "Am I making any sense and connecting with the women here?"


If you looked at this with human eyes, the evening should have ended up being a flop. But God was at work~ as usual.

Out of 20 women who came, 15 women bought. Of those 15 women $1,000 in product was sold!!!! This is in the Detroit area where the economy is one of the worst in the nation. That my friends is a BIG GOD!!! Hearts were touched, lives changed, women were moved to get involved in various ways. That is a BIG GOD!!! Can I hear a sista with an "Amen" ????

And another thought...could it be that our very inadequacies/weaknesses were created, not only to bring Him Gory, but to draw us to Him?

He doesn't need me skilled or unskilled to serve Him, but He wants me to be available.
He doesn't even need me to serve Him. But He wants me to...Just as He wants you too.

Is our God big enough for what is on your heart today?

Psalm 105 :1 "Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim His greatness. Let the whole world know what He has done."

**Coming up I have some exciting stories of how God is working in the lives of trafficked women to share with you!!

Finding Easter

I woke up thinking of Thailand today. My mind was swirling with images and sounds from my recent trip. Not unusual to think about the trip. Just unusual to wake up doing so.

As I got dressed I was trying to decide what jewelry to wear. My eyes swept over my necklaces and landed on my single black pear necklace and earrings. This would be my choice.

Both of these pieces were made by women rescued from evil as dark as those pearls. The necklace is a tear drop shape and it reminds me of the pain that these women have experienced. It reminds me of the fact that God has collected each one of their tears in a bottle {as He does with yours and mine}, for they are precious to Him. It reminds me of the beauty that only God can create out of suffering.

The earrings were made by T. An innocent village girl, she went to work in the city in order to support her family {in Thai culture, this is the eldest daughter's responsibility}. She soon found out that this great city job was not what she imagined. Thrust into a world so foreign to her, she became numb to the horrors that she experienced. She had to in order to survive. Her world became full of a darkness she had never known.

But the light of Jesus was about to pierce her dark world like nothing ever had, or ever would! {Can I get a "woo hoo"?} She met one of the staff from one of the safe houses. That servant brought with her an unexplainable love, peace in her heart and an offer of a new job; full of dignity. T. chose to follow this path to a new job, and in doing so found the path to Life. That day T. found Easter.

A little later as I was worshipping in church, the faces of girls like T. kept flashing in mind. I started thinking about what today must mean for them especially. They know what it means to be rescued from darkness. To be physically rescued from as close to we can get on earth to the pit of hell. They know the darkness of mourning, like on that Good Friday. They also know the brilliant light of this morning and what it means.

I asked the Lord what it was that He wanted of me as I couldn't get them off my mind. And then, His words from Romans 6: 6-7 spoke to me:

"We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin."

He died on the cross and rose again so that the chains of sin would be shattered. He came to rescue you and me.

And then He asked me; "Are you living a "rescued" life?


Or are there areas of sin that you are slave to?


Do you live each day like you too have found Easter? "

I was about to dismiss the thoughts, with a yes, of course, Lord. I chose to follow You long ago. But the phrase "each day" kept echoing in my mind. My heart was reminded that there are places in my life that need to be worked on. Places where I am not living as a free, rescued woman, ransomed by the King of Kings.

In that moment He reminded me that there are sins in my life that He died for, and I needed to die to those too. Like a critical spirit and being judgemental of others. I need to put those to death, and live like the Cross and Resurrection really matter. Each day. It's a constant battle, but one worth fighting for, don't you think?

He wants to rescue each one of us! We are all trafficked women. Satan held us in bondage to him, slaves to sin. But Christ paid our debt and rescued us from our chains. If we choose to believe in Him, to confess our sins, and commit our lives to following Him, we can live a life set free!!!


Because when we find Easter, like T., we too find ourselves on the path of new life. Let's live our lives worthy of the sacrifice of the cross and of the gift of the empty tomb.

P.S. If you would like prayer to be rescued from a darkness in your life, please send me an email at the address on my side bar. I'd love to pray with you.

A time to...

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2, 4

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under Heaven. {v.1}

A time to be born, and a time to die. {v.2}

A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. {v.4}

Today is my birthday!

Today has been a time of celebrating and laughter! Homemade cards and gifts, breakfast in bed, lots of hugs and kisses.

Today has been a time of "dancing" over the blessed life that He has given me. I am filled with gratitude for the very breath that God continues to grant me.

Today has been a time of grieving over the pain of sweet friends, Todd and Angie, who watched their precious baby girl take her first and last breath on earth on this very day, one year ago. {If you don't know their story please go here. Your heart will be changed.}

With these extremes of emotions, I am comforted that they each have their place under Heaven, and strangely can exist together.

Today I am comforted that while I can not understand why He gives and takes away, I don't have to because He is God and I am not. I just have to believe that He is good.

And that He is good all the time.

The Package

This past year and a half, I have been seeking God's will as to how to serve Him in this next season of my life. I have prayed and asked Him to direct where He wants my passion and time. For quite awhile now He has told me to wait.


In the last few months, God has been revealing His plan and is calling me to step up. Now that He says it's time, I'm not very comfortable with it. How's that for willingness? Let me explain...


It's not the "what" that I'm uncomfortable with. I am humbled that He is asking me to step up and be a voice for wounded women and children; particularly in raising awareness and help for ministries that battle human trafficking. I'm thrilled to be able to educate and motivate American women on how they can make a difference in this issue. I relish the opportunity to knit the hearts of women to wounded women they don't even know. I think you know by now that I'm a bit passionate in this area. :) It's one of the places where my heart finds joy.


However, it's the "how" that I'm uncomfortable with. Let's rephrase that. It's the "how" that terrifies me. But in order to be a voice, that will involve using it. (Yep, I'm a quick one.) I'm not a shy person, I just don't like a lot of attention focused only on me.



Especially in relation to speaking. In fact, I get so nervous that I have to plan my wardrobe around it. (Now before you go thinking "Depends" let me continue...) I have this lovely attribute that when I feel intense emotion about something (excitement, fear, sadness, joy, embarrassment) I blotch. I get these ugly red splotches on my neck and chest. (It's happening at this moment as I am nervously typing this post!!) It's always been this way. If I could change one thing about myself- that would be it. I hate it. I hate it because I can't hide my emotions, and it draws unwanted attention. So, for years I have planned out my wardrobe to hide my neck depending on what may day would hold. I know, it sounds crazy, but it's a growing point. (whoo hoo for scarves being so in right now! :) )


I am not a speaker.


But God continues to give me opportunities to speak and bring awareness on this issue.



I am not a writer and am a "baby" blogger. Ihaveanamazingnatruraltalentwithrunonsentences. "I>am, quite, 'talented' with ?punctuation!abilities-and, grammar,' her said).



Yet God has directed me to help with several blogs for promoting the issue of human trafficking and to help raise financial support for battling this issue.



I have limited experience with the issue of human trafficking except for my trip to Thailand. I feel so inadequate to speak on behalf of these dear women and children. I have never experienced anything close to what they are facing. But I do have a deep love and burden for them. One that wakes me up at night to pray for the girls I met on my trip and the thousands more that I haven't met...yet.



I'll be honest, I'd rather share all this with you presented in a nice little package wrapped in a bow...years from now. Looking back with experiences and miraculous stories of how God has used and grown me despite my inadequacies.



But that's not what God is calling me to do today. He is asking me to show you the bare, plain package. The simple box that is open to being used, but struggling in the midst of it. Struggling with fears, insecurities, and pride.



I'd prefer that my package look like this:




It's vibrant, eye catching, not easily forgotten, fun, polished, and has a !wow! factor. It looks perfect. I bet it's even from TJ Maxx! ;)



But this is what He's calling me to be:



Simple, real, a little lopsided, completely open to being used; even with it's dents and tape residue. It came from the garage. It looks imperfect. It is imperfect. Yet it's ready to be filled.


If I'm speaking or writing, which neither are natural abilities, I want to look good. I want to be that beautiful package. I want to be liked. But what is my motivation behind that? Is is for my gratification, or to help give voice to the silent cries of thousands of women and children? Is it to glorify myself, or God? It better be for the right reasons, or there's no reason for it. I might as well be a clanging gong as it says in 1Cor. 13.






Eventually, I hope my package will be a combination of the two above. I want to learn skills that will help me in presentation, communication and motivating others to grow in their relationship with Christ. I hope to inspire others to find their role in the battle against human trafficking. Yet I want to continue to be open and authentic, knowing that all I am or will ever be is from Him and because of Him. I know that that is what really matters- because ultimately it's about the "who".

I think Lysa Ter Keurst(President of Proverbs 31 Ministries) sums it up best: "Saying yes to God isn't about perfect performance, but perfect surrender to the Lord day by day." (From the book "What Happens When Women Say Yes To God" If you don't own it- you need to!)


So, I'm entering this contest! From what I have read and heard about the She Speaks conference, they desire to give you the tools that will help you grow in speaking, writing, blogging, and leading. But they keep to the heart of it... God and walking in daily obedience and humility to what He calls you to do. Which I find unique in this type of a conference.

I also want to encourage you to enter the contest and check out more about the She Speaks conference here.

P.S. You all were such amazing prayer warriors during my trip to Thailand that I would love for you to pray with me on these issues also. Of course, I'm always up for a cup of tea, or talking on the phone to listen to your heart too.

Simple words, profound truth

I have had some health issues lately (migraines, Shingles, recurrence of my symptoms of my a.i. disease). After feeling so great for sometime, it is hard to return to a place of pain. One day, I was feeling particularity discouraged and started to cry as I was trying to make sense of all this in light of my upcoming trip. That evening, my little Elliana (3 1/2yrs) prayed for my "owies" to get better. These are her exact words:

"Dear God, thank you for that my mommy's owies to get better."

I smiled at the sweetness of her prayer, the structure of her sentence, and the way she mixed up "thank you" with something like "please help" or some other word. Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by God's whisper to me;

"Tammi, she has it exactly right.

I know it is hard, but this is part of My plan for you." Then He reminded me of His words from 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Give thanks...in everything. My daughter had no idea that her prayer was about to refocus my prayer life. What would happen if I replaced words like "please ___ " or "I ask" with "thank you for ___" when petitioning God to intervene in a situation?

So my prayer was something like, "Father, I ask you to help me through my challenges right now. Help me to trust you." Was that prayer wrong? I don't think so. But my focus changed from "me" to "Him" when I prayed, "Father, thank you for the challenges in my life right now. I know that You are in control. Thank you for allowing me to bring you glory as you give me the strength to press on." My prayer becomes less about asking God to change the situation, and more about asking Him to change me in the midst of it so that others may see His work in my life.

It's a small change of words, but a huge change in perspective. The more I use "thank you" it starts to make it more about Him and less about me. After all, that is what my life should be about. Living for the purpose of bringing glory to God.

I also see "thank you" as words of faith. Do I really believe that He will take care of the situation? Let's take that a step further. Do I have faith enough to thank Him in advance, even if the situation may not turn out the way I would want, but believing that His way is best?

This is my desire, Lord. Please forgive me for my selfish perspective. Father, change my heart.

So dear friends, by faith with a thankful prayer, I continue to move forward with my trip, knowing with confidence that it is God's will that He be magnified in my weaknesses.

Thank you, my sweet Ellie-bean. Jesus used your simple, yet profound prayer to give me a much needed change of perspective in my prayer life.


Here she is, my sweet girl. Always with camera ready :), I sneaked some pictures of her one day while she was praying. Isn't she precious?

From Russia with Love- one of many lessons learned

In 2002, we left for our first term as missionaries to Russia. Little did we know that we would only spend 3 years there. We had committed for however long God desired us to serve Him overseas, but had no idea our time would be so short. I will share more about that in the future, but for today wanted to share one of the most important lessons that I had learned.

One of the challenges I found in life overseas is the lack of resources available for Christian growth. No Christian bookstores, often no radio stations, no conferences, retreats, and Internet access can be touch and go. Many times there aren't even churches to attend. And then there's the issue of finding something in English! (as a "bookie" it killed me to leave so many books in the States!) In the US, as we all know, the resources abound. We have so many opportunities to further our spiritual growth. My whole life I have been blessed with resources available at every turn.

While our organization prepared us for this, there is nothing quite like experiencing it. Our first year, I struggled with this issue, and I have to say I floundered. Unfortunately, I had done "autopilot" in the States at times, but there was no autopilot in territory that I knew nothing about. I was so fat (anyone remember Amy Grant's "Fat Baby"?) from being fed by others, that I didn't truly know how to feed myself and be satisfied with the Word ALONE, all the time.

So how does a missionary ask for help in this area??? Not exactly the type of question you put in a prayer letter. Because you know, missys are spiritually superior!!! ;) (that's another story ). When I reflect on it, maybe it was for the better, because I ended up going to The Source. Desperate with the need to survive and desire to thrive in my first term, I cried out to God. He led me to himself. I began to spend more and more time in the Word and learn what it meant to be "self fed". I no longer needed to depend on other avenues, because I had found the True Source. This "challenge" of lack of resources turned out to be a huge, life changing blessing.

Fast forward 3 1/2 years, back in the States, and I have found myself getting fat again. I (and maybe you too) am facing the challenging of so many spiritual distractions. It shouldn't matter if I was challenged by Sunday's sermon, or if I can't find that cd to lift my spirit, or that book to spur me on...it should be my Lord, the Holy Spirit and His Word that I depend on and desperately need.

So, for the New Year, I have resolved to "slim down" in a few areas:

1. My home- trying to simplify and get rid of stuff that weighs me down. These things may not be wrong to have, but do I really need all of it?

2. My body- To eat healthier snacks and get in better shape

3. My spiritual life- I need to lose some "fat" here too. To not depend on books, sermons, music to feed me. I need to FIRST be in the Word, and quiet, listening before Jesus. (Please hear me out, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with those other things- it just can't be my main source. Jesus can and often does use those- He just wants me to find my all in Him. Are you with me?)

My prayer this year in this area comes from Jeremiah 15:16 "When I discovered your words, I devoured them. They are my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name."

One of the ways I will meet this goal is to fill my mind with the Word by memorizing. I am joining in with Beth Moore and other women in their scripture memory team. You commit to memorizing just 2 verses a month, more if you'd like, for the year. Check it out and join the challenge! Click here.

Right now I am working on memorizing Ephesians 6:10-18 in preparation for my trip to Thailand. (By the way, I'll be posting more about the trip this week).

Please hold me accountable to any of these- but especially #3. I would really appreciate it, and if you join in on the scripture challenge, let me know so we can encourage each other.

Top 2 books for 2008

I love books, and I love reading, so it was very hard to pick my top two favorites. But these two were the winners because of the impact they had on my life.

"a call to die"- a 40 day journey of fasting from the world & feasting on God-
by David Nasser~

An amazing and life changing study for your time with God. The idea was to give something up for 40 days and in place of that activity, to spend time with the Lord. The book guides you through Bible reading, journaling and prayer. If you are looking for something to challenge you in your walk with Christ- go pick up this book.

"Strong Women Soft Hearts"- a woman's guide to cultivating a wise heart and a passionate life- by Paula Rinehart~

A book that I constantly refer to. In fact, I keep it on my nightstand because I go back to it so often. I have highlights and notes all through this book! If you enjoy books that challenge your thinking and cause you to dig deep- this is it. It is not a "quick read" but one you will want to read in parts. A great book to read with a friend because there is so much to discuss! (Thanks Aim for recommending it and for all the great discussion).

Let me know if you pick up either of these books- I'd love to hear what ya think!

So, what about you? Do you have a favorite book? (and it doesn't have to be spiritual ;) ) I'm always looking for a new read!

The Well

One of my favorite places to be is at our local womens shelter. Once a week, I am blessed to be able to give a bit of Jesus' love to some beautiful women. If you've ever talked with me about it, you know how much I love being there. In my mind, I call it "The Well" because that is where Jesus gave love, acceptance and healing to a woman desperately in need of grace. And that is what happens there.

Not that any of them will see this, but I'll say it anyway:
Thank you to my heros who work there day in and day out in order to be "The Well" so that women in need can meet Jesus. And thank you to the women who live there, bravely facing deep pain and extremely difficult situations. Jesus paid a price more costly than diamonds for you. May your hearts be open to let Him heal them. I have learned so much from all of you. See you next week!